Sunday, June 5, 2011

Just my thoughts....

Losing someone hurts no matter how they die. As most of you readers know, I lost my brother, Brandy, over two years ago. Horrible, is an understatement. Not because of how he died, but because he died. No one ever knows how they will handle a situation, until they are in it and it happens to them. If someone would have told me this is how it would have happened, I would not have believed them. The truth is, none of us know what can happen. And we cannot stop any of it from happening, no matter how hard we try.

When Brandy died, I had so many friends that would call and would not know what to say. A lot of them, I spared the awkwardness and just let them leave a message. I did take a call from a former co-worker that has stuck with me. We were just making small talk and were getting ready to get off the phone and he told me... "Kristee, I just want to say this about Brandy (whom he did not know) and I will not say anything else" He went on to say, "you do not know what he said or did in his last few seconds of life and God forgives us for anything and everything".  Absolutely true!

I'm going deep in this post because there's a couple of  families that are hurting from losing loved ones to a similar situation. They have emailed and asked me when does it get easier? How do they get answers to the whys? Hows? And so on. I'm so sad for them. I can honestly say that I never ever asked why.  I made up my mind that I did not need to know because it would not change the outcome, one bit. This was me personally and I am not speaking for anyone else. I decided all I cared about was keeping his memory alive. I wanted my brain to hold onto the exact image of his smile, the sound of his laugh that would make you laugh, the blue shorts, white t-shirt and flip flops that he had on the last time I saw him, (when he helped us get the girls out of Will's truck in his driveway), the hug he gave me that day because he was happy that we stopped by unexpectedly and the sound of his voice when he said, "Red".  Those are the things that helped me through each. and. every. day. 

I have no right answers for those families. I just know that I get through each and every day not thinking about his death, but the oh so many wonderful memories of his life! One full of adventure....
 He could ride,  jump and walk a dirk bike like you have never ever seen! It was unreal.


  1. Kristee, I'm praying for you this morning. You are so strong. Love you.

  2. You are an amazing person. Red, I felt like I knew before I even met you, thanks to Brandy! He talked about "Red" on many occassions, always with a smile. Sincerely, Belinda